Wufei's Birthday!
by ChaosMagician86
Summary: Yippee! It's Wufei's special day! And man is he excited! He hasn't hit anything for at least 10 minutes he's so excited! Review knaves!!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Wufei. I don't own Wufei's birthday. I don't own Heero, Trowa, Duo, Quatre, or any of their parents. I also do not own Mulan. I'm quite sorry. I probably don't own doorbell's either, but who's checking? ^^ In case you haven't read any of my other fanfics, I'm the author who produced such classics as "Lollypop Guild" and "What Happened After." For now, I'll only be writing humorous fanfics, but if you email, (OR REVIEW!), me, I'll take on more serious stuff. Anyway, read the story, tell me what you think, or get yer thumbs cut off. ^^ Ja ne!  
  
Wufei's Birthday!: According to KChan ^^  
  
Wufei- He is waiting in the middle of an empty room watching Mulan as always. "When will my reflection show.... who I am... insiiiiide...." Sighs happily. "Oh Mulan... you are the prettiest blossom among a feild of thorns...." Doorbell rings. "JOY! They're here!" Runs to the door.  
  
Heero- Stands there with a neatly wrapped present. "Greetings Wufei. I have come in order to complete my mission of invatation."  
  
Heero's mom- "Now be a good killer and destroy everything you see son."  
  
Heero- "I will. Now. You're mission is to leave."  
  
Heero's mom- "Mission accepted." A giant helecopter appears out of nowhere and picks her up. They fly off into the sunset.  
  
Wufei- Grabs the present from Heero and his sleeping bag. "I'm thrilled you came. Really. No I'm not joking. I am."  
  
Wufei's mom- Enters and stands about 3 feet away. "Who's your friend Wufei? I hope he respects personal space... otherwise I might have to kill him..."  
  
Heero- Smiles. "I like you."  
  
Wufei- "Now mother...." Doorbell rings. "JOY!" Opens the door quickly and smile fades fast.  
  
Trowa- Is standing there with a new chalkboard. He holds it up. Hello Wufei. Happy Birthday. I'm glad you invited me even though you said you.... hated me....  
  
Wufei's mom- Reads it off. "Well isn't that nice..."  
  
Wufei- Gets red in the face. "WHY WON'T YOU TALK! YOU STUPID FREAK! DON'T YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK!?!?!?!?"  
  
Trowa- Shrugs and walks over to his mom to shake her hand.  
  
Wufei's mom- "PERSONAL SPACE! 3 FEET NOW!" She jumps away in order to regain her personal space.  
  
Quatre and Duo- Walk up to the open door with presents and sleeping bags.  
  
Duo- "Hey Wuffie! Where's the food!? I'm starving! Hey! You got any sugar??? I LOVE sugar! Don't you Quatre!?"  
  
Quatre- "I'm not allowed to have sugar.... my mom says its one of the few things that can make me go crazy." Smiles  
  
Wufei- "Now that everyone is here, we can begin!" Runs into the other room and puts on Mulan again.  
  
Duo- Looks surprised. "Aww.... but we already watched this at Quatres.... Why can't we watch something else! Stop copying Quatre you copy cat Wufei! Wufei's a copy cat... Wufei's a copy cat..."  
  
Wufei- Points at Duo. "SILENCE KNAVE! DO NOT FORCE ME TO TIE YOU UP AND MAKE YOU BE SILENT!"  
  
Duo- Imediately shuts up.  
  
Quatre- "Wufei... that's just... not nice. We're friends... Besides. We shouldn't be fighting at all!" His eyes begin to get teary. "And... I don't like Mulan... it's got too much fighting in it..."  
  
Heero- Starts to fall asleep.  
  
Trowa- Holds up his chalkboard. I'm bored. I don't like this movie. I wanna go home. I'm going to the kitchen.... He silently gets up and walks away.  
  
Wufei's mom- From the kitchen... "PERSONAL SPACE! 3 FEET! NOW!"  
  
Wufie- Sighs in displeasure. "I guess I'll have to watch Mulan later.... when there will be no inturruptions..." Stands up. "Come. We may eat now. He leads the others into the kitchen where there is nothing but mats spaced 3 feet apart on the floor. On each mat is a bowl of rice, a bowl of water, and some chopsticks.  
  
Duo- Sits down on his mat and starts shovling rice in with his hand. He looks at Wufei with his mouth full. "Hey Wuffie. Where's the sugar???"  
  
Heero- Pours some kool-aid mix from his bag into the water and stirs it up with a chopstick.  
  
Duo- "HOW COME HEERO GETS KOOL-AID?!?!?! I WANT SOME KOOL-AID! HEERO GIMME SOME KOOL-AID!!!"  
  
Heero- Glares harshly at Duo. "No knave. We must ration the kool-aid."  
  
Quatre- Picks up his set of chopsticks and looks at the questionly. "Umm... I know how to do this!" Looks at Wufei and Trowa who are eating perfectly with the chopsticks. He dips his set into the rice and attempts to do it like them, but fails miserabley, spilling rice all over himself. "I don't like these forks... they're funny."  
  
Trowa- Holds up his chalkboard. They're not forks Quatre. They're chopsticks.  
  
Quatre- Squints at the board. "I see a... a... a Q! A Q! That means my name is on there! I can't read the first word.... not... can't read that... Quatre!... can't read that word... can't read that either..."  
  
Wufei- "Trowa you're so stuuuupid! 'Not Quatre'? Of course he's Quatre! Unless... Hey! Are you really a hun bent on taking over China?!!??!" Glares at Quatre. "You evil evil EEEEEvil Knave!!!!"  
  
Quatre- Begins to sob a little. "I don't know what a hun or a knave is... but I know Door was one... I'M NOT LIKE DOOR!!!!" Runs out of the room crying.  
  
Trowa- Wufei. I think you should apologize to Quatre.  
  
Wufei- Squints at the board. "Wufei... I.... can't read that... you... can't read those.... to... Quatre. 'Wufei I you to Quatre???" What does that mean?" Wufei looks confused.  
  
Trowa- Sighs. Nevermind....  
  
Duo- Looks up from his rice, his face covered in butter, water and salt. "What's going on??? I was too busy being smart to notice anything."  
  
Wufei's mom- "It's time for cake and presents."  
  
Wufei- "Joy!"  
  
Heero- Crosses his arms and leans against a wall. "Whatever lady."  
  
Wufei's mom- "I like him. He respects our personal space. Unlike that blond crazy kid... hey. Where is he anyway?"  
  
Quatre- Pops up from behind a bush outside the door. "Here I am!"  
  
Wufei's mom- "Darn... I thought he went home..." begins to swear in Chinese.  
  
  
  
KChan: Well this is chappie one! ^^ How do you like it so far? Review and I MIGHT post some more if I feel like it. You know how stubborn us KChans are. Anyway, I'll probably post chappie two up today or tomorrow. depending on how bored I am. 


	2. We Must Ration The KoolAid

Disclaimer: The second part! You begged me, you earned it! Sorry for all the Quatre bashing. He's just supposed to be a cute and lovable little kid who is completely misunderstood. Kinda like Trowa-chan and his chalkboard. ^^ But, I will continue to write, and maybe. MAYBE if you beg me reaaaaaal nice, I'll make birthday's for all the chibi Gundam pilots. ^^ Keep reviewing! Keep giving me idea's!  
  
KChan- Walks by with little sign saying "Wufei's B-Day Part DOS!"  
  
  
  
Heero- Hands Wufei his present. "Your mission is to open mine first."  
  
Wufei- Takes the present and unwraps it. It's.... "Joy...." Another gun. What a surprise. "Uhhh... Thanks Heero. I can now shoot anyone who invades my personal space."  
  
Trowa- Hands Wufei his present. I hope you like it.  
  
Wufei- Opens the present and sees a card. Gives it to his mom to read to them. His mom takes it and begins to read.  
  
Wufei's mom- "Wufei. I've been taking speach lessons with my parents. I hope you'll ask me tonight to talk so I may try out what I've learned. You can tell me if I'm speaking correctly or not. I know how much you've wanted me to talk so tonight, this is my gift to you."  
  
Wufei- "This present sucks. I want a new one." Looks at Trowa. "Talk stupid."  
  
Trowa- Shakily puts down the chalkboard and clears his throat. Everyone stares at him waiting for him to speak. Looks around and begins slowly. "I... I wish you.... a merry.... birthday..."  
  
Everyone- Is silent.  
  
Trowa- Picks up his chalkboard and goes to sulk in the corner.  
  
Wufei- "Wow.... he sounds somehow... older than his age..." Runs over and starts hitting Trowa on the head. "TALK AGAIN KNAVE!"  
  
Wufei's mom- "Wufei! You have more presents to open! Get your butt over here! But not too close... Personal Space..."  
  
Wufei- "Goodie!" Grabs Duo's present which is wrapped in old newspapers. "Hnnn...?"  
  
Duo: "It's official Old Newspaper style birthday wrapping! Very very very expensive!"  
  
Wufei- "Riiiiight" Opens the present. "It's a... a..." Begins to cry.  
  
Duo- "What? It's a Mulan doll" Looks at the doll which is all scratches up and the hair puffs out. It's got all sorts of crud all over it and looks like its been through the sewer a couple times.  
  
Wufei- Tosses the doll to the ground breathing heavliy. Reaches for another present and grabs Quatre's present. Tares it open and looks at it weirdly. "It's a... umm... a...."  
  
Quatre: "It's a picture of all of us!" He squeaks happily, obviously pleased with himself.  
  
Wufei- Tosses the picture aside and sits back on his mat. "What a dissapointing birthday... MOM! I WANT A NEW BIRTHDAY!" Begins to sob. "Everyone is soooooo horrible! Stuuuupid knaves!" Runs over to Trowa and starts hitting him again.  
  
Trowa- Begins to get red in the face. "......" Picks up his chalkboard, but then puts it down, making a HUGE desicion. "...CUT....IT.... OUT.... NOW....!"  
  
Wufei- Takes a step back at Trowa's loud booming voice. "a... ah... haha... um... don't hurt me!!!" Runs to a corner and sits there shivering. Heero- Yawns. "Well... this officially sucked. I'm going to bed..." Walks off into the living room.  
  
Duo- "Wait up Heero!" Grins and turns to everyone else. "Heero has kool- aid... Sugar... sugar... SUGAR!" Runs off to the living room after Heero.  
  
Quatre- Pulls a doll out of his sleeping bag and cuddles it. "I'm sleepy... and bored... and liable to go crazy, so I think I'll go to bed!" Smiles, chirps happily, and skips off into the living room.  
  
Trowa- Picks up his chalkboard and glares at Wufei. "...don't... .make me.... use my voice... like that... EVER... again..." Walks out into the living room.  
  
Wufei's mom- "That went surprisingly well..." Walks off to her room which has everything 3 feet from everything else.  
  
Wufei- Sniffles. "Everyone hates me..." Picks up Heero's gun. "This is a crappy birthday present!" Throws the gun against the wall. Picks up the Mulan doll. "And this sucks! It's scary and creepy and scary!" Throws it against the other wall. Gets up angerly and stalks off into the living room.  
  
Quatre- "Hey Trowa... wanna play spin the bottle? It's what my sister's play with me!" Smiles.  
  
Trowa- Raises and eyebrow at Quatre.  
  
Heero- "Spin the bottle is for guys AND girls... not just guys..."  
  
Quatre- "It's only kissing silly!" Laughs and kisses Heero on the cheek.  
  
Heero- "AHHHHHH!!!! I'VE BEEN CONTAMINATED!" Falls over, legs and arms twitching every now and then. 


	3. You Have Dishonored Me

Disclaimer: I know I know. I haven't updated in awhile. I'm sure you were all waiting by your computers waiting for me to update too. ^^; Sorries. I just had some writers block. No problem right? Right. Well, this is the third part. I'm planning to make it possibly four or five parts. Then I'll start working on Heeros Birthday! I'm also going to do Triezes. heh heh heh. Now! Onto the story!  
  
*Hammer Space is basically thin air.  
  
KChan- Walks by with another sign stating "Wufei's Birthday Part Three!"  
  
Heero- "AHHHHH!!!! I'VE BEEN CONTAMINATED!" Falls over, legs and arms twitching every now and then.  
  
Wufei- Quickly runs over to a potted plant, picks it up, and dumps it on Heero, who begins to cough up dirt.  
  
Heero- Snaps out his gun. "Tell me WHY you did that, or I may have to kill you. No. I'm going to kill you anyway."  
  
Quatre- Cowers in a corner. "We shouldn't be fighting at all!"  
  
Trowa- Shrugs and goes back to playing with the bottle.  
  
Wufei- "MOM! HEERO HAS A GUN!" Dives behind the couch.  
  
Wufei's Mom- Quickly grabs the gun out of Heeros hand and places it in a locked drawer with the other one.  
  
Heero- Pouts. "You're all knaves. Every single one of you."  
  
Wufei's Dad- Walks into the room, slamming the door. He begins to yell at Wufei in Chinese. "Why have you not watched Mulan today?! I can tell you know! The tape isn't even warm!"  
  
Wufei- Bows low, sitting down in front of his father. "I am sorry father."  
  
Wufei's Dad- "You dishonor me." Turns and walks back out.  
  
Wufei- Glares at Heero, Duo, Quatre, and Trowa. "Now look what you have done!!!"  
  
Duo- Jumps onto Wufei's shoulders causing him to fall over. "I want more sugar! Now now now!"  
  
Heero- Sighs deeply. "I am going to bed."  
  
Trowa- Wanders out of the room and to his sleeping bag. Quietly unpacks it, lays it out on the floor and crawls into it. He is asleep in seconds.  
  
Wufei- Sniffling. "My father is dishonored."  
  
Wufei's Mom- Pats Wufei on the head and walks to bed.  
  
Quatre- Peaks out from his corner. "Is it safe to come out yet?"  
  
Heero- "No, Quatre. There is a killer bunny out here. It just ate Trowa."  
  
Quatre- Begins to cry. "NO! NOT TROWA!"  
  
Heero- Smirking. "Oh no. Now it's eating Duo's hair."  
  
Duo- Catching on to Heero's plan. "OH!!! NOOOOO! STOP! DON'T EAT ME MR.KILLER BUNNY!"  
  
Quatre- Starts to shake, laughing a little. ".Bunny. eating. Duo?. Ahaha. hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Heero- "Now that is more like it."  
  
Quatre- Stands up, pulling out a knife from hammer space* "I won't forget. And I won't let YOU forget either!!!"  
  
...........To be continued...........  
  
KChan- So, how'd you like it? ^^ Next time, we'll see if Quatre is really gonna kill everyone! Heero seems pretty happy about it. Of course Heero DID try to blow himself up in the Gundam Wing episodes. He hasn't changed much has he? 


	4. Quatre and Tranquilizers

Disclaimer: I know I know! I haven't been regular with my updates! Please try not to hurt me! This is the. Fourth part of the Wufei Birthday Series! Yay! Sorry to those who have been waiting for this. I'll try and make it a bit longer than the others. Well, onward to the wonderful story! ^^ *****Wufei- "To all those who don't know, a knave is a very stupid, and unprodigious person." ^^ Wufei's Birthday. PART FOUR  
  
Quatre- "Ehehehehe.. It ate them. ahahahaha. C'MERE RABBIT!"  
  
Duo- Looks at Quatre "Um. was that supposed to happen?."  
  
Heero- Pulls out another gun. "It's settled. My mission is to shoot Quatre with these conviently located tranquilizer darts."  
  
Wufei- Covers his eyes and whimpers.  
  
Quatre- "GUUUUUUUUCHUWALAWALAWALA!" Dives at Heero, knocking the gun out of his hand.  
  
Heero- Falls backward, hitting the couch. He begins to sniffle, but resists the urge to cry.  
  
Quatre- Suddenly falls over, fast asleep.  
  
Heero- "." Looks up and sees Wufei's Mom standing over Quatre.  
  
Wufei's Mom- "I had to take him out. G'night darlings." Walks back to her room.  
  
Wufei- Looking up ".Is it over?. I think I wet myself."  
  
Heero- "I think our mission should be to go to bed now." Wanders off in search of new prey.  
  
Wufei- Faints, now exhausted.  
  
~The next morning..~  
  
Heero- Walks back into the living room, holding a random squirrel.  
  
Trowa- Holds up his chalkboard "What's with the squirrel?"  
  
Heero- Looks at him, blinking as if it were a stupid question. ".Dinner." Quietly walks to his bag and puts it away.  
  
Wufei- Is huddled in a corner clinging to his Mulan pillow. ".T.That was bad. I want you to all go away!"  
  
Quatre- Slowly wakes up, stretching. He looks around the room, then smiles "Howdy! Good morning birthday boy!" Walks over to Wufei who immediately scatters to the other side of the room.  
  
Heero- Whips out his tranquilizer gun ".Are you sane, knave?"  
  
Quatre- With tears in his eyes "Of course I am.. Why wouldn't I be?." He begins to sniffle.  
  
Duo- Cheerfully. "You went psycho last night and tried to kill everyone even me and it was kind of scary even though you're usually not all that scary because you're kind of a loser but you didn't hear that from me and I'm just telling you what happened and stuff!"  
  
Quatre- Blinks "Okay then Duo." Smile smile.  
  
Heero- "The knave doesn't remember. Too bad."  
  
KChan- Sorry that took so long! I still have writer's block. That and MIDTERMS! Duh duh duh!!!. Anyway, I'll try to finish it in chappie four. Sorry to keep you all waiting! I wish I had updated this sooner. I might have gotten more reviews. Sniff. 


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